your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
