3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
