$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
