was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
