What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
