ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
