i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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