i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
