Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
