Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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