Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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