i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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