If i come over, it means nothing
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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