Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Still dying that you shit outside
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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