he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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