Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
