see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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