Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
