You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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