I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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