I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
