We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize