you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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