Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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