every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
