It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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