im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
