I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
