ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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