Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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