I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
