it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
