How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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