hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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