So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
