Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
