Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
