My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
