Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
