The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
