God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
