I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
