You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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