I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
