Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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