my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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