It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
