She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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