we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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