I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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