Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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