He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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