hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
