i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
