She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
