dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
