This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
