The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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