Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
