At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
