It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
