So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
