Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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