then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
