No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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