lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
