I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize