I haven't been this sober since birth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
