I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
