forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
