there was a trapeze. enough said
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
