My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
