I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
