I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
