Define "chronic" masturbator.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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