While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize