I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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