Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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