remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
