we're chasing vodka with high fives
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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