I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
