Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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