Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
