I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
