theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
