first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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